Polyamorous Relationships.

HEY!

Today, I want to talk about polyamory (click here for the Wiki page if you're unfamiliar).  I've always been curious about this sort of relationship, where you can date more than one person at a time, because well.. our culture isn't used to it. We don't know how to react to it. Our society is used to the husband and wife kind of thing, ya know? Our culture can barely accept the fact that two women or two men might want to marry.. could you imagine what those opposing marriage equality would say about polyamory? This shouldn't be mistaken with polygamy, where a man has more than one wife or polyandry, where a woman has more than one husband.

So, polyamorous relationships are relationships where all members have consented and agree to the other parties having other relationships. This means that everyone knows that there could be other people, either the possibility or the existence. These aren't necessarily super committed, but they also aren't necessarily solely sexual either. And, they don't have huge orgies and whatnot. It's a way to show your sexual love to more than one person, to not.. hold it back, so to say? Polyamory gets a little confusing, doesn't it?

The Wiki page says that gays are more comfortable with the idea of polyamorous relationships than heterosexuals.. I wonder why? Isn't that interesting? 

So, what do you think? A feminist thought on the subject would be that you should be allowed to do whatever makes you happy.. with consent and everything. We should have freedom to be whoever or whatever we want to be. So.. should people be allowed to do whatever they want to do? Should they have to worry about being judged for it by our culture? Do you think things would end up getting WAY too complicated? Jealousy? Wanting more? Could YOU be polyamorous?

Let me know in the comments below!

xoxo

CORTNIE

Valentine's Day Lingerie Advertising With Titties

I thought for awhile to try and figure out what to blog about today and then WABAM. I HAD IT. Valentine's Day Tittie Advertising!

So, I headed over to the Victoria's Secret, Torrid, and Lane Bryant.

Lets see what the websites' Valentine's Day advertisements look like!

We have Victoria's Secret's website. We see a very thin woman throwing her hands in the air.. so excited to be in lingerie for her lover on V-Day. To the left, we see where the shopper can choose to be 'Sexy, Romance, Flirty, Dreamy or Luxe'. So many options, so little time! If you click around the website, you'll see the Flirty is also Sexy, well the whole website is Sexy. We see lots of skin and very little fabric. We see moist lips (on their faces, people) and photoshoooopppp. Look at those titties! NEXT!

You know, if I was shopping on Lane Bryant for lingerie, I'd end up saying forget it! For real. These models are so NOT sexual in this lingerie.. Why? They MAKE clothes for plus sized women, so what the fuck is with these damn frumpy pajama outfits and these shots of either bra or panties, no full body shots for us. Could the fat models not fit in the camera or something? I call bullshit on you, Lane Bryant. I guess those titties are okay?

And Torrid is EVEN WORSE. They only have models in the pictures of tights or leggings; the teddies and panties aren't even put ON a model. How am I supposed to know what they look like? I see no titties!

So what did we learn today? I learned that plus sized women are just composed of specific body parts, and that we don't want to see each other in teddies because maybe we won't like what we see and we'll end up NOT shopping there. We learned that thin women are the happiest, and the sexiest.

We also learned that anyone shopping for Valentine's Day lingerie (at these three websites) is white. STUPID.

xoxo
CORTNIE

The Politics of Sex

Can you have sex with someone who has different politics as you? Can you even DISCUSS life events, situations, pop culture, inequalities, privileges or oppressions with someone that you love? Does it make sense that you feel like someone can love you for who you are but hate you for who you are at the same time? Can you ignore differences that are MAJOR and focus on a relationship when what you do with your life is unavoidably political? If someone is trying to prove their point and it makes you feel stupid, is it because you automatically assume that their opinion is wrong? Why do we think the way that we do?

How can people ignore politics when sex is involved? Why do people think when you are talking to them about something, that it is just because you want to TEACH them something or prove them wrong? When in all actuality, you used to be in their shoes and you know how much your own mind changed when you finally learned about the things that our schools don't bother to teach us?

I am proudly in support of equality in every aspect of the word. You cannot say that the people in our country have equal opportunity when there are about 20 empty houses per every homeless person here because of foreclosures. You cannot say we are equal when LGBTQ people do NOT have the same rights as straight people, or when women STILL do not make as much money as men when they have the same credentials. You cannot say that someone born homeless has the same opportunity as someone who is born into a mansion. This is NOT shaming the person that was born into the mansion, it's just recognizing that once you're at the bottom.. it's nearly impossible to be on an equal playing field with the rest of the country.. or world.

Do you want to have sex with me?


xoxo 
CORTNIE


ps here are some links for your viewing pleasure.

Sex Sells - Super Bowl Commercials

(we'll come back to the fat dog later)

HETERONORMATIVITY.

This is a term that is near and dear to many of my scholarly peers' hearts. And it is ALL OVER this article (linked above) as well as tons of Facebook conversations about the Super Bowl commercials from last night.

What is heteronormativity, you ask? Heteronormativity--in Cortnie-terms, is when your society is under hegemonic-ly heterosexual values. Therefore, the NORM is that everyone is straight and that every woman likes men and every man loves hot women. How is our society heteronormative? The advertising, among other things, of course!

Sooo, did you watch the Super Bowl? Did you see how drunk Madonna seemed? That's besides the point. It would be sad to me if anyone thought that I wasn't watching the game to critique the commercials. Of course I was. Specifically to point out the blatant sexism.

So, NPR posted an article today (linked above) about hidden themes of the commercials. They named their first two hidden themes (I'll talk about one of them later) and the third is, undoubtedly, sex. They then posted two out of the MANY commercials:

I saw a TON of threads today on Facebook about the commercials, so I can't necessarily quote where I saw every single mention, BUT there were people jumping for joy that David Beckham was being sexualized in a commercial, saying things like finally it's not just women! Women aren't the only ones being objectified! Woo, we've won. Um, no. Women are objectified in random ass commercials, like fucking yogurt commercials or commercials for salad. How, you ask? The women in those commercials are just so damn excited about yogurt, all smiles, which feeds into the notion and popular idea that women should just constantly be smiling. How bad could it be to be a woman?

I digress. Whatever the sexism, this article really pissed me off. Underneath the David Beckham video, the NPR article writer, Linton Weeks, says, "Some of this year's spots are steamier than a pot of lobsters. H&M appeals to women with this David Beckham ad." Um..  huh? I'm sorry, no I didn't mind the commercial, it's a nice change from only seeing naked women (even though NO ONE should be objectified or hypersexualized) BUT I have this strange, thumping feeling that maybe, just MAYBE some gay men watch the Super Bowl and maaaaybe.. just maybe H&M knew that and was appealing to not just women but also to men that like men. Maybe? Also, in saying that H&M was appealing to women with their ad, does that mean lesbians aren't women? Do you have to like men to fully be a woman? Think about that.

Another thing I want to talk about is the Volkswagen Fat dog commercial. 

Awesome for this.. dog.. wanting to get into shape to chase this car. But, in the beginning, Volkswagen is giving off the impression that you're supposed to want to laugh when this fat dog is trying to work out. Even I giggled. What's wrong with that picture? Fat dogs (or people) aren't supposed to work out because well, they're fat, and when they try to maybe improve their mobility or health.. people in better off conditions just laugh? That's probably the top reason why many fat people don't go into gyms or walk on the streets for simple exercise, that's at least true for me. There's something else irking me, I'm not sure how to pinpoint it... but.. this dog's life is apparently SO MUCH better after it loses weight. Even though Volkswagen isn't blatantly saying GET THIN GET THIN, it seems like their trying to say something. 

So, there ya are. What do you all think?


xoxo
CORTNIE

Dear Titties

Dear Titties,

Oh, how do I begin? You're pretty awesome, ya know. A lot of people like you; you sure do get a lot of attention. You've been with me my whole life, changing in size, having growing pains and being all.. big.

You were a 36C in FIFTH grade, how does that happen, Titties?! When Body and I lost 60ish pounds a few years ago, what did YOU decide to do? You protested and grew TWO CUP SIZES! What IS THAT?! How does that happen? We can safely say though, that we break the stereotype that big girls just have big boobs because of their fat.. clearly that's not true in our case!

Remember that one time in 3rd grade when those boys on the playground thought I stuffed my bra to make you look bigger? Remember when they haggled us and made fun of us? I ended up getting fed up and told them to give me $20 and they'd see if I stuffed. Remember that? Oh, life.

Titties, I'm hoping you'll always be with me, until the day I die. I couldn't imagine my life without you. You're so comfy and squishy. I promise to always rub on you monthly while I'm in the shower to make sure you're still.. normal, and if I ever feel anything I will NOT hesitate to go to the doctor to make sure that everything is okay with you. I promise to always love you. I promise to always buy you cute bras to wear, because.. well, who doesn't like cute bras?

I know you get mad at me when I sleep in a bra, and you know what? I get mad at me for that, too! It hurts! I promise to always show you off, to be relentless in my cleavage sharing.. because you're beautiful! I promise to not care that I'm 23 and might not have the perkiest titties because you're so damn big! But shit, Titties, why you so down? Whatever, it is what it is! Also! Are you tired of people asking about our nipples? I'm tired of people asking about our nipples!

Titties, a lot of people like you. I do. You've gotten a lot of love from gay men. Drag Queens. Lesbians. Straight men. Straight women. Queers. Trans.. You're fun, look at you! I love you, a lot!


xoxo
CORTNIE

Reproductive Rights

Look what I found on Tumblr this morning, ya'll! Oooof. I would say that there are no words, but you all know that I have plenty of words for this!

First of all, yes to the top half of the poster/flyer/whatever this is.

Second, um.. WHAT. Is this organization referring to my uterus as a plantation and are they referring to delivered babies as slaves?! I don't understand. Right in time for Black History Month, too, huh?

There are lots of other posters on the website, and I'll show just a few.

I really, really don't mean to sound heartless here. But, come on. Come on. The website actually says that this fetus picture is of a miscarriage, not an abortion, so they're screwing with peoples' perceptions. And.. yeah, you are a clump of cells. 

Many of the posters boast on and on about adoption, crossing off the 'b' and the 'r' in the word 'abortion'. I'd like to know how many of these people are actually adopting children. These fetuses could be carried to term and be born and not have a form of stability. They could not be taken care of because of lack of money, resources or even care. And being born and put into the foster system is going to help that? Not necessarily.

No words. 

What about the woman who constantly gets raped by her husband, weekly or daily, and gets pregnant? Do you want her to raise a child in that environment? What about the 13 year old that got raped and ended up catching STDs along with a pregnancy? What about people OTHER than yourselves, AHA? What about me? What about my friends? In a country that doesn't care for the poor, doesn't care about peoples' healthcare needs and seemingly doesn't care about sexism, racism and homophobia... you sure are fighting the good fight.

Is this a rip off of that one video that went viral a few weeks ago?

I love kids. I would love to be pregnant one day, either to have my own child or to be a surrogate. I would love to know what it's like to be pregnant. I would love to know what it's like to raise a child. But when I'm 23? No, thank you. Some people aren't ready. And the 'you know what you were risking by having sex, it's your problem and responsibility' argument? Yes, it's my responsibility, which is why I have the resources that I do. Also, you know what you're risking whenever you get into a car and drive to work, are we going to start blaming people for driving and getting into car accidents because they 'knew what they were getting into and they need to take responsibility for what happens to them'? Hm?

Just think about it. 

xoxo

CORTNIE

After Sex Stuff?

Do you like to cuddle after sex or do you just wanna pass out? Ever wonder what your partner is thinking with whatever decision it is that you make? Welp, there was a study done on sex, cuddling, and sleeping; this study is interesting. First of all, it studied heterosexual relationships, but I guess some of the info could be applicable to the gays, too. Anyway. Basically, if a man stays awake and a woman falls asleep before him (specifically after sex) it is because the man is protecting his territory. He's making sure the woman doesn't leave him for another partner, apparently.

Also, the study says that falling asleep after sex could be a way to bypass commitment talk, no matter the gender. SNEAKY! More importantly though, we can bust the stupid myth that men fall asleep once they cum, because the research shows that men and women fall asleep after sex at equal rates. Awp. Sweet, huh? So there ya go, if a man falls asleep first after sex, he's just wantin' to bond.

"The more one's partner was likely to fall asleep after sex, the stronger the desire for bonding," explains Daniel Kruger, research fellow at the University of Michigan, and lead author of the study.

The study also released information about who falls asleep first when there is no sex. Women tend to fall asleep first, according to the researchers, and this could be because they want to bond. Hm.. maybe the women DON'T want to bond via sleepy brain waves, though. The researchers also say that men might stay up later than women because they want to try to have sex.. but then they're shit out of luck when they hear deep breathing and snores from their ladyfriend.

So. Why is this on CORTing Feminism? I want to see a study done on ANY form of relationship, not just straight ones. Stupid, heteronormative, bullshit. Do you think the findings would be different? How would they be different for lesbians.. for gay men.. or just straight up queer relationships? Does gender even matter.. is it just the stage of the relationship you're in? Whatcha thankin'?

xoxo
CORTNIE