Thursday, July 26

I'm Tired of Waiting.

I'm so damn tired of waiting for something better to happen. I'm tired of sitting on my ass, typing away at my blog, hoping for a change in myself. I'm making this change. It's exhausting and pointless to continue to hope for something better, but do nothing to change it. I love myself. But I need control and I need change. We all are always waiting for something. Whether it's to get into a bathing suit (when you could easily just put one on), waiting for a better job to come along, waiting for a better partner to come along, or in my case, waiting to love myself fully. Well, it isn't just going to happen. 

I love myself, I do a lot, but I need to take better care of myself. And here I am, doing that. No waiting. I'm in love with who I am. I'm in love with myself. That is why I am eating healthier foods, and being more active in hopes of being healthier. But, I need to lose weight. Not because of what anyone is telling me, and not because of things that I see, but because my body hurts. I'm jaded in this thought that I'm completely happy with myself. I believe that all bodies are beautiful, and that if someone is happy with themselves and other people say that they are fat or ugly, that's bullshit. But, I'm not completely satisfied with myself. I can do better for myself. So, I'm working towards that goal of being healthier, and losing some weight so that I can be more comfortable, because it's what my body needs. I don't want to be out of breath when I walk to class. I don't want to be that person. My body is exhausted. I'm tired of saying I'm okay with myself when I'm not completely okay with myself. Fuck that. I need to be honest with myself. I'm too young to feel so old.

None of my prior posts are lies. I swear that.
We are all beautiful creatures. I just want to be a happier Cortnie.

cort x

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