Sunday, May 27

Ladies, You're Fat Because You're Not Doing Housework

Jezebel posted about this new study that claims women are fat because they aren't housewives anymore. Back in the 24 inch average waist days, women ate around 1,800 calories, compared to our current 34 inch average waisted woman eating around 2,200 calories. This study says that during house chores, women would burn about 1,000 calories a day. WHAT!?

I'm sorry but can we backpedal a bit? It's not like every household out there has hired help to clean for them.. so who's doing the household work, like dishes, laundry, and taking care of kids? Most likely, and most commonly women. This isn't a new concept, is it? Are Women's Studies students.. and well, working mothers, the only ones who realize this CRAZY phenomenon of women having the second shift, double burden, whatever your pretty face would like to call it?

Instead of having a misogynistic study claiming that only women are fat because they don't stay at home all day anymore, lets look at the actual probable causes of fatness of EVERYONE in our world today, NOT just women. When living in a diet-culture, people (mostly women) are brainwashed into thinking they have to be thin, and that that's the only means of beauty. They yoyo diet, which is proven to cause you to weigh more in the long run. They eat low-fat, diet, fat-free crap that isn't even damn food.

We have a shit ton of chemicals in our foods. Many of our meats aren't even real meat. Food is more and more expensive, while the poorer keep getting more and more poor. Fast food is cheaper than healthy food. Fast food joints are everywhere, and are.. well, fast. Not to mention the fact that jobs are overbearing and many families don't have time to cook a nice, healthy dinner. Capitalism makes it so the richer people end up with the better food, most likely grown by the lower class people.. I could go on and on.

What do ya'll think? Tell me in the comments!


Monday, May 21

We Have a Gay Situation Here, Folks

This dude wants all of the gays to go inside huge electrical fences and drop food to us, in order to get away from the disgust that we bring him. This man is a pastor, this man is 'speaking' God's words. Well my God would never do that. She loves everyone. Even you, ya crazy bitch.

Also, do you know how many of the homos, aka sinners, aka homoseckshules can do incredible things, like getting out of an electrifying fence situation? I stunted in cheerleading, I know gays that go out and get drunk every weekend while running businesses and working full times jobs while going to school, I know some gays that tumble and could just fly on over that damn fence. I know some butch lesbians who could totally handle some shocking situations, if you know what I mean, okay?
In a few years, they’ll die out… do you know why? They can’t reproduce!
We live and we let live. This fucker wants all of the gays to die. He's probably taken to a glory hole or two along with some foot tapping in some bathroom. I don't see gays raging outside in hopes of getting these assholes in concentration like camps. I don't see my community wanting to kill people. I don't see my community bolstering HATE.

Beth does not approve.


Thursday, May 17

I Made an Appointment at the Gym & SURPRISE, I Was Fat-Shamed

Just because I search Google Images for big women working out and get only thin women working out doesn't mean that it shouldn't or can't happen. I tried to find a picture to go along with this post, but they were all super fit women on ellipticals and treadmills, and that's triggering to me, so I'm not posting any images with this post. 
So, I just got off of the phone with the gym. In 2009 I signed up for a three year membership at this fitness club, we'll call it.. Work Ya Booty. I haven't used it since probably August of 2009, so I called to make sure it wasn't expired yet. The woman starts explaining to me that it isn't expired, immediately goes into trying to get me to sign up for another year right now over the phone for just 100 something dollars or I can go month to month for $15, and then says they completely remodeled. I follow their page on Facebook, so I already knew that. 

I asked if I could schedule an appointment to look around, see the new equipment and learn about it so I don't look like a damn idiot walking in there. We make one for tomorrow. I'm excited at this point. I don't have to worry about some dilwad using the fitness room in my apartment complex anymore? Sign me right up, right now. (Check out my Tumblr posts about my fitness journey, including that dilwad here) We're getting off the phone and she says something along the lines of, "we're going to get you fit for this summer. We'll weigh you in tomorrow and then we'll get you to lose weight and feel better." 

I don't know what to think about this, but it made me uncomfortable. This immediately makes me think that this woman who is showing me around tomorrow is going to fat-shame me and make me feel inferior. I want to be healthier, but that doesn't necessarily mean just losing weight for me. Sure, it could help, but that's what we're told to think. If my joints are uncomfortable it's because I'm overweight. If I'm sluggish or tired, I should lose weight. If it's summer, I'm obviously going to be jealous of all of the bikini clad women.. I should lose weight. I don't know how to feel about this. 

I'm going to stay positive though, and go in there spouting my I love my body stuff and I'm going to dominate. I'm doing this to feel better about myself, get that kick in my step, and I'm doing this to be healthier. Not necessarily to lose weight. I don't want to go into this place and the trainer to see me and make a project out of me. I don't want to step on that scale tomorrow and have her show me BMI stats and tell me where it is that I should be on the weight scale. I don't need that shit because it'll just make me feel like an idiot. Without even SEEING me, this woman fat-shamed me. Guh.

xo, cortnie

Monday, May 14

My Realization.. Body Acceptance

Hey ya'll! Hopefully everyone's Monday is shaping up to be great so far! I'm drinking coffee, woke up a little later than I'd planned. I have a nice relaxing day today. I have a phone interview at noon, and then I'll be working on my capstone until Sexy Cincinnati's Queer panel tonight! That should be a blast!

So, my capstone topic has shifted, as research does. I wanted it to be fat. I wanted to blab for 20 pages about fat issues needing to be taught in feminist classes. But. After my research, talking to many friends and classmates, seeing things on tv, reading things in magazines, and well.. just being alive.. it changed. The issue of body image acceptance and love isn't just against fat people. It's everyone. Glamour's June issue has a great article on weight stereotyping, which made me realize that I need to be punching my fists in the air for EVERYONE. Not just myself. We all are privileged and oppressed in different ways, and even though the issue of being fat is stigmatized, thin people face discrimination in different ways. I'm still teetering with just how many ways that thin people are oppressed and how it correlates with fat oppression and fat-shaming, but no matter the numbers, body image issues need to be taught in feminist classrooms. 

We all care about it. You all love my body posts, so I know it's something that people are interested in talking about. I was excluding many many people from my research and from my thoughts by saying that fat feminism needs to be taught.. it isn't just that. It's Body Feminism. Yes, that's very vague and I'm trying to figure out a new label so that I can present it with my research in my paper, but it needs to be body image as a whole, concerning weight of course. It would be a lot to add in ALL body issues, like abilities and disabilities and the like. 

Last night, I found a thin privilege checklist written by some bloggers.  Here are some snippets:

  • I can be sure that people aren’t embarrassed to be seen with me because of the size of my body.
  • If I pick up a magazine or watch T.V. I will see bodies that look like mine that aren’t being lampooned, desexualized, or used to signify laziness, ignorance, or lack of self-control. (No, but you will see bodies like mine being condemned as ‘ILL’ and ‘SKELETAL’, etc, signifying stupidity, a need to fulfil society’s beauty standards, a lack of independence)
  • When I talk about the size of my body I can be certain that few other people will hope they are never the same size.
  • I do not have to be afraid that when I talk to my friends or family they will mention the size of my body in a critical manner, or suggest unsolicited diet products and exercise programs.
  • I will not be accused of being emotionally troubled or in psychological denial because of the size of my body.
  • I can go home from meetings, classes, and conversations and not feel excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped, or feared because of the size of my body.
  • I never have to speak for size acceptance as a movement. My thoughts about my body can be my own with no need for political alliance relative to size.

I'm incorporating that in, of course. So yeah. Just wanted everyone to know. I'm more broad in my thoughts now. It isn't just about fatties, even though fatties are still very important because they seem to be more oppressed in life. 

Have any sites or links that could help me in writing my paper? I need some thin oppressions, as a fat woman I'm sure I'm missing some! Throw them in the comments! 

Saturday, May 12

Objects of my Affection

Just some stuff for my readers on a beautiful Saturday evening. 

I took this picture on my balcony today. Sometimes flowers know what I'm feeling.
I want to do this!
This looks like my tattoo. :)

I love this gif I made with the GifBoom app.
This, but of course.
Best new show, Veep. It's on HBO but I'm sure episodes are online somewhere.
So that's all everyone. If you like these posts, you should check out my Tumblr! I'm constantly reblogging stuff, and I just started a new project on there! I'm actually going to do this working out thing (oh my god, have I worked out twice this week?) and I'm blogging each day on there. I don't want to clog up this blog with my daily posts, but I will keep everyone updated maybe weekly or biweekly about how this fat girl is doing with this new active, healthy lifestyle! 

k, that's all.


Thursday, May 10

My Fat Girl Fear of the Gym

Hello, lovelies! 

I hope everyone is having a great day today, I'm off so what does that mean? School work! What a weird day here in Cincinnati. It's sunny, but I'm chilly. I keep shivering and getting goosebumps, weird. Anyway, I need to get a few things off of my chest. I woke up thinking about my Sunday walk and how great I felt after doing it, and how I haven't done it since then. I felt so amazing! I felt like I was on top of the world! I felt like I truly loved myself because I was taking care of myself. 

Okay, here's the thing. I'm terrified. I spend all of this time researching information on health and fitness and gyms.. while I pay for this amazing and award winning rec center out of tuition each quarter. I'm clearly pushing things away. So that I don't have to face it. I'm afraid of looking like an idiot. I'm afraid of becoming obsessive, becoming crazy. I'm terrified of getting my eating disorder back down to not eating at all. I'm scared of not being good enough.

Here's the other thing. The rec center on campus scares the shit out of me. I don't want to walk in there and have these bombshell women assume that I'm just another fat girl working out so that I can look like them. I don't want people to think that I don't like myself. Love myself. Obviously we all have our negative days, but yeah. I don't want to walk around, having people giving me sympathetic eyes. I don't want these people to think that they can teach me shit that I don't already know. I don't want them thinking that my fat is an illness. I don't want to look like them. I want to look like me.

I don't want to get a tour of the rec center, in secret hopes of only wanting to see the elliptical, and have the tour guide take me up and down and up and down flights of impossible stairs. I'd walk right out and say, okay... DONE! I'm not ready for that. 

I'm scared.

xo, cortnie

Wednesday, May 9

Dear President Obama, THANK YOU

Dear Obama, 

According to ABC News, you are the first president of our amazing United States to say that you support same-sex marriage. Today in LGBT Seminar, I received a text from HRC giving me the breaking news. Cold chills sprang through my body from my toes all of the way up to my ears. During the break of our two and a half hour class, the majority of the class stayed in the room to watch the video of his interview, instead of going to the bathroom or to smoke. Many of us were speechless and amazed. Many of us looked at each other with tears in our eyes.

YOU ARE FUCKING AMAZING. I have to be honest, I've doubted you. I've had discussions with friends about how you are pretty moderate as a president. I've said that I'd rather have Hillary Clinton as president. I understand this topic is tough, I get it. But what our country doesn't understand is that you SHOULDN'T be VOTING on human rights. It's insane!

Thank you for all of your hard work. Thank you for admitting your weaknesses in assuming that civil unions were enough for gay people. Thank you for realizing that they aren't enough. Thank you for being amazing.

You will go down in history as the president who cared. You will be applauded 100 years from now for being the president who supported my friends, myself, my professors, my co-workers, the people I walk by on the street, the people who give me the thumbs-up on my bumper stickers. YOU WILL BE REMEMBERED AS AN AMAZING MAN.

Thank you for caring for women. Thank you for caring for students. Thank you for caring for the people who can't care for themselves. Thank you for caring for the LGBT community.

You have my vote.


Sunday, May 6

May Goals

Okay, so I had some goals for April and they kind of went to shit. I am making fewer goals this month and I'm sticking to them!

Goals for the month of April:
-  Smoke less
- Come up with awesome photoblog idea.
- Spend less time with my face in my iPhone // most specifically while driving- Do homework on time and efficiently
- Have painted nails at all times, no chippies! Makes for a happy Cortnie.
- Do some sort of activity that makes me feel better and more energized. Maybe an elliptical or treadmill one day, maybe a brisk walk another day, and cleaning another day. Just do something!
- Eat smaller portions, don't stuff my face to the point of feeling sick. I'm bad at this and really need to improve myself in this area.
- Think critically about what is being posted online, whether it's a law about abortion rights or a murder case. Actually think about what I'm seeing on the television or on the computer and critic it. Analyze it.- Have fun, go out, meet new people. Enjoy myself. I don't want my anxiety holding me back anymore.

Okay, so there's that. Here's May.

Goals for the Month of May:

- Smoke less.
- Keep up with no texting while driving.
- Do any&everything to meet deadlines for work and school.
- Be more active. (Start a Beginners Walking Program. At first I thought that the information at the link was too easy for me, but since I am a beginner, I'm going to do what they say. Maybe this way then I won't get burnt out, right? Basically, it calls for walking 3 times a week, starting at 15 minutes the first week increasing by 2-3 minutes a week. The other workout is a little more intense and calls for up to 5 times a week, so once I do the beginners I will continue onto that if I'm not dead.)
- Eat healthier foods. (I'm leaving this one bland because I don't want to limit myself. Even though I turned down Outback tonight!) DON'T EAT DINNER SO LATE
- Love myself, respect myself, know what I deserve in life, and most of all SAY ONE GOOD THING ABOUT MYSELF EVERY DAY. (this is more necessary than I can imagine)

So there it is. That's what I want to do. I want to feel healthier, and I've been feeling sluggish since I've moved in with mom for many reasons, but the main one is eating dinner so late at night. If circumstances arise, I'll eat a salad or cereal or something. I just want to feel better, healthier, and able to leisurely walk on campus without sweating. My clothes are also starting to become uncomfortable, and even though I'm not doing this healthy lifestyle stuff to necessarily lose weight, I imagine that being an outcome if I stick to it. Which is fine. I like my body, but I want to move closer to loving my body all of the time, and in order to do that I need to treat it like the goddess that it is!

I need ya'll to keep me accountable!


Cinco de Mayo: Racist Sombreros?

So today my friends lured me out of my hermit homebody state and took me to Don Pablo's to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. They surprised me with a beautiful sombrero, and I was the most excited Cortnie! But.. We get to the restaurant and I suddenly felt.. inappropriate? I didn't even know what the point of the holiday was, so I decided to search. Google-y, google-y, goo. Thanks to Wikipedia, I have this:
The date is observed in the United States as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride, and to commemorate the cause of freedom and democracy during the first years of the American Civil War.
Okay. I now don't feel so horrible knowing that Americans celebrate it, but.. Why are we prancing around in Mexican garb, eating Mexican food, drinking Mexican drinks, and listening to Spanish music? The most important question, I think, is why did I feel bad about the sombrero? Is it because I've recognized my white privilege? What do y'all think? Do you feel odd or weird celebrating the holiday of another culture? Why do you think that is.. Or isn't?

Either way, I think it's important to discuss these uncomfortable feelings; in my group of four friends, two of us felt odd and two said it wasn't a big deal. We're all white. Two men, two women. Three queers, one straight. The two of us that felt weird included myself and my old gay roomie. What do you think?

I leave you with this picture of my amazing Lotsarita.

And before I forget, if some of you didn't know, I got a tattoo Monday. It hurts like hell still but it's slowly healing. It's in that nasty peel stage now. I got it on my sister's birthday (she died in 1999) and it's important to me because her favorite flower was a yellow rose. I got two red ones, but I plan on having a sleeve garden eventually. Ow is all that I have to say about that.

Love you all dearly,

ps, don't forget to like my Facebook page! Linkage to the left!

Friday, May 4

I am Not Invisible

My fat is not invisible. It is far more than that. 
My fat is something that you don't want to see.
My fat is something that sometimes I don't want to see.
But I love my body and I'm tired of you bringing me down.
I will wear leggings and I will wear an off the shoulder top
and I will walk around with my head held high 
and I will own the sidewalk.
I'm tired of hating my body after I go shopping because I 
can't find anything to fucking wear. I'm tired of having to explain
myself, defend myself, for being the way that I am.
It isn't enough to tell someone that I like who I am. 
That I go crazy obsessive with diets and exercise.
It isn't enough.

I'm here. My fat is here. We aren't going anywhere.

My sexuality is not invisible. A lot of people seem to think it is.
Or want it to be. Someday you'll be married to a man, Cortnie.
I doubt it.
Just because I'm femme and wear the drag of a woman does not
mean that I can't like a woman. It does not mean that I just
haven't found the right guy. It does not mean that my body 
inhibits me from finding men, so I resort to women. 

Fuck that idea.

It's exhausting to have to continually come out as queer. 
It's exhausting to have to always be excluded from topics, 
because I'm not knowledgeable in straight sex, I'm not knowledgeable
in shopping at straight sized stores and finding clothes that fit me.
Cortnie is coming out, in more than one way, everyday.

I was told today that I'm the type of person that people want to listen to.
That people want to know. That people want to learn from. 
I want to marinate in that and own it. 
I was told that I'm powerful. 
That I can make change, and that I am magnetic.
I will never let that piece of information escape my mind.

I am working to become a better person, and I will continue to work until
I am the best version of myself. 

Love you all,

Wednesday, May 2