I've been venturing in on the cleaner/healthier eating train, as I'd mentioned a few posts back. And today I woke up crazy early and felt the need to write out some goals for myself. I'm a planner at heart, can't help it. Even though I'm a very body positive person, my mind still drives me crazy. Every so often, I happen to see myself in the mirror, and I don't like what I see. Lately, it's been harder to get my leggings on, and since moving in with my mother in January, my body has definitely taken a turn.
While living on my own, I worked two jobs and went to school full time, so there wasn't much time to do anything but work, homework, and sleep with the occasional drunken night. Regardless of any of that crap, I had little to no money, so food was sometimes hard to come by. If I did have food, it was almost always fast food, driving through McDonald's or Burger King on my way home from a long night at the salon. Back then, I didn't necessarily feel healthy, but I was smaller than I am now. I've found comfort here with mom, and I always have a huge stock of food available. I'm also working a lot less. A LOT. I was probably working 60 hours or so a week plus taking 18 credit hours while I lived completely on my own, so like I hinted earlier, there was barely time to breathe, much less eat.
So with my clothes getting a bit tighter, and having little money to buy new ones (so little that my car payment is late this month), I want to change my life. I know I've said it over and over again on here, but I'm doing the healthy thing and I'm doing it right this time. It's my life, no one else's. I want to prove Health at Every Size correct. I want to feel better in my body. I want to not be uncomfortable trying to get dressed. I want to not struggle to get my seatbelt on sometimes in my car. I want to feel better when I walk to work or to class. I don't want to get anxious thinking about walking around while I'm out with friends. I don't want to have an insanely swollen right foot because of all of the sodium in the processed foods I've eaten.
I want to stop smoking. I want to know when I'm hungry and know when I'm full. I want to learn to not eat out of sadness or happiness or any other emotion. I want to use my body to its full potential as the amazing machine that it is. I want to have a healthy relationship with food and exercise. And how do I do that? I punch it right in the damn face. That's why I'm doing this. I'm not doing this healthy stuff to necessarily lose weight, although my body is hurting and is feeling uncomfortable, so I'm assuming that that is going to be some sort of an outcome of all of this. I don't doubt that it will be. But I'm not doing it for that sole purpose.
I don't want anyone to accuse me of being a hypocrite. I don't want that at all because that's not who I am. I want everyone to understand that body acceptance, body love, and loving yourself entirely mean that you want to do good things for your body. To me, that means feeding it good, healthy foods, and being active a few times a week. The food helps me feel more in tune with Earth, and the sweaty exercise helps with my anxiety. I don't want to spout body love without loving myself fully. I do love myself, but not as much as I can without depending on other things for my happiness.
Many of you expressed some interest in recipes and things, so those are going to be coming sometime in the near future, I swear! Once I learn some! Expect some SnapGuides, like my How to Dress Up Your Fat Body & How to Make Eggs in a Basket guides. I've also been updating my Tumblr with posts about working out, and liking different recipes that I think I might like. Here's a link to all of the posts about my #fatgirlworkout posts
Oh, speaking of that hashtag. I started it awhile ago on Tumblr. So far, it looks like I'm the only one using it. Are you a fat girl? Are you working out? Lets talk about it! There needs to be a bigger community of fat girls working out. The stigma is terrible behind fat people working out, even though we're supposed to work out in order to lose all of the weight society wants us to lose! Double edged sword? I want to show that health can exist no matter what you look like. So, start using the hashtag! I'd love to communicate with you outside this blog! I'd love to hear your stories! Lets normalize things!
Okie dokie. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure:
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