Just because I search Google Images for big women working out and get only thin women working out doesn't mean that it shouldn't or can't happen. I tried to find a picture to go along with this post, but they were all super fit women on ellipticals and treadmills, and that's triggering to me, so I'm not posting any images with this post.
So, I just got off of the phone with the gym. In 2009 I signed up for a three year membership at this fitness club, we'll call it.. Work Ya Booty. I haven't used it since probably August of 2009, so I called to make sure it wasn't expired yet. The woman starts explaining to me that it isn't expired, immediately goes into trying to get me to sign up for another year right now over the phone for just 100 something dollars or I can go month to month for $15, and then says they completely remodeled. I follow their page on Facebook, so I already knew that.
I asked if I could schedule an appointment to look around, see the new equipment and learn about it so I don't look like a damn idiot walking in there. We make one for tomorrow. I'm excited at this point. I don't have to worry about some dilwad using the fitness room in my apartment complex anymore? Sign me right up, right now. (Check out my Tumblr posts about my fitness journey, including that dilwad here) We're getting off the phone and she says something along the lines of, "we're going to get you fit for this summer. We'll weigh you in tomorrow and then we'll get you to lose weight and feel better."
I don't know what to think about this, but it made me uncomfortable. This immediately makes me think that this woman who is showing me around tomorrow is going to fat-shame me and make me feel inferior. I want to be healthier, but that doesn't necessarily mean just losing weight for me. Sure, it could help, but that's what we're told to think. If my joints are uncomfortable it's because I'm overweight. If I'm sluggish or tired, I should lose weight. If it's summer, I'm obviously going to be jealous of all of the bikini clad women.. I should lose weight. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm going to stay positive though, and go in there spouting my I love my body stuff and I'm going to dominate. I'm doing this to feel better about myself, get that kick in my step, and I'm doing this to be healthier. Not necessarily to lose weight. I don't want to go into this place and the trainer to see me and make a project out of me. I don't want to step on that scale tomorrow and have her show me BMI stats and tell me where it is that I should be on the weight scale. I don't need that shit because it'll just make me feel like an idiot. Without even SEEING me, this woman fat-shamed me. Guh.