Monday, June 18

Heteronormativity is the Biggest Bully on the Block!

So, I have a question for my fellow queers. You straighties/breeders/'normal' people though, please KEEP reading. 
I need to write about the problems that heteronormativity brings about. You may be wondering, what is heteronormativity, though? Basically, it's the thought that someone is straight because it's the norm, it goes along with heterosexism, and it is the cause for MANY frustrations. I've had people tell me that it isn't a big deal, to just get over it.. and how do these people identify? Straight. Heteronormativity is the reason that gays can't get married, it's the reason that Dancing With the Stars only has opposite gender (whatever that even means) dance partners, it's the reason research studies are very exclusive, and it's the reason that if I'm out of my comfort zone of school and work that I get asked questions like, do you have a boyfriend? Are you married? Girl, why dontcha gimme ya numba cause dat ass is hot?

It's the reason why I get all bent out of shape if someone assumes that I'm straight, even though I make it a point to say that I'm queer and not a lesbian. Why do I get so pissed when someone asks if I'm married, when I could easily fall in love with a dude and marry him? Why do I get so pissed if some guy compliments me and wants me? Why does my blood boil if a straight man gives me a compliment? It's because these people are completely devaluing and degrading the thoughts that I have for women. They aren't important, they don't matter, and they aren't real because of the fact that they aren't recognized! It'd be nice to go somewhere and start a conversation with a stranger and have them ask me if I had a partner. It'd be awful nice to hear that! But we don't hear that because it isn't the norm.

Heteronormativity is one of the reasons why I am constantly coming out of the closet. It's not that I don't like talking about my queerness, because clearly I love it, but when people don't recognize it as a possibility, it feels like it doesn't matter. Which in turn makes me feel like I don't matter. If I feel this way, I can't even imagine how many other people do. This is the reason so many kids are killing themselves. This is the reason why so many people who are queer end up going along with what our culture asks of them and wind up getting married and having kids.. to later come out and be looked down upon because of their 'lie' of a life.

Heteronormativity is the reason behind the stigma that I could be checking out a woman because I'm jealous of her. Women aren't supposed to check other women out, and if they do it's because they either want to look like them or because they are internally condemning them for how they look. Thanks diet companies! Judging. Well, I say fuck that. If I'm checking out a woman, it's not because I'm fat and I'm praying to look like her someday, it's because I think she's fucking hot! It's the reason why if I see a guy and think he's hot and he makes eye contact with me that I look immediately away, in fear of him assuming I want him (which I easily could, there are lots of hot guys) and him assuming I'm straight or something.

I honestly think the ideas behind heterosexism and heteronormativity are stopping me from even thinking about dating a guy. Not to mention that the thought of a penis anywhere close to me makes me want to die. I'm not sure if that point is relevant in this post, but I think it is somewhat connected. I'm in Florida, as many of you know, and my family and I have had conversations.. duh. Well, some of them discredit me. I'm not trying to be all confrontational or sensitive.. but they do! There was a conversation about a woman who was married a handful of times and finally found her soulmate in her last marriage, and it was discussed that this was a great thing. During conversations like this, I literally sit there in fury. I sit there thinking, will I ever have that right in my lifetime? To marry whoever I want in hopes of finding the one? Who knows if that will ever happen for me? That is why heteronormativity is the biggest bully on the block.

I know that people think that gay pride, rainbows, along with the bumper stickers on my car are obnoxious. They think we geeeetttt it, you're gay. You don't have to flounce it around. This goes along with the, okay, you're gay but I don't want to see it idea. How is that fair? I see straight shit everywhere. On the plane down here, I saw couples kissing and hugging and taking cute pictures. I saw people holding hands at the airport. These people were prancing their sexuality in front of me, so why can't I do the same without being worried of getting harassed or beat up? We put it out there because we have to. I put my identity out in the open because I don't want people assuming things about me. I put it out there for the little teenage queers who need my help. I participate in pride because it is literally the one day where I can maybe hold someone's hand and not feel uncomfortable. It's our day to shine. It's our day to be who we are, and not have to hide it for one tiny second. This is probably (unconsciously) why many of my queer friends go out to gay bars every weekend; it's where they can be themselves.

So, there's my bitchfest. There will be more on this soon! I'm outside at Starbucks and I'm hot so I'm going to go back to Mommom's and have a nice nap! I hope you all enjoy your days!

What do you think about heteronormativity and heterosexism? How do they affect you?

xo cortnie
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  1. Amen, sista. i am straight, but so what?,we should all be proud of who we are. We should all choose who/ what we want. It is our story, our life. I, as a hetero deal with some crap too, as I am living with the guy but am not married. What is his label after 4 yrs?

    1. I completely know what you mean! Domestic partner? Some people really despise the word partner though. Haha. He could just be ya boyfriend. :)