Friday, April 6

H&M Wants Me to Have Four Boobs

I bought this! Lots of boobage for me!
So, a few friends and I went shopping yesterday, which was the first time I've gone to the mall in MONTHS. I stopped going because of my crazy anxiety crap, but yesterday I did an okay job! That's another blog post though!

We went to H&M. I've never really shopped there because I kind of gave up before I ever tried. I assumed their clothes wouldn't fit a fat girl like me. About a year ago I bought a sexy dress from them and basically said nah to anything else (I don't know why because I really love the dress!). I bought some tanks, I bought some shirts and I bought some dresses.

There was this one dress, you see, that my boys and I were VERY excited about. I, of course, cannot find this dress online to show you, but it's short and flowery and the top is kind of corset like. Got it? Okay. So, I'm about to leave their loft and go home last night when we all decide that I should try said dress on, because they wanted to see what it looked like. 

I take off my tops and I'm standing in their living room in my bra and leggings. Selena, what?! Anyway. I attempt to get this dress on over my head and I get to the part where my arms are aboooout to scooch it down and get my head through it when I realize... this isn't happening. But Jay has always been a pusher of sorts, and it's definitely worked to my advantage in the past with clothes, and shoes! So I give in to the gay pusher pressure and say by golly this dress is going to fucking fit. 

No. We get it on and we are pulling and pushing it down, I'm contorting my body more than I ever have before, and I am miserable. I start sweating, I'm clammy. All the while Matt's on the damn floor laughing so hard I think he might start crying and Jay's like come on, come on, we can do this! We get to the point where the top of the dress is stuck in the middle of my boobage area. It won't go up and it for real won't go down either. I feel and I have 4 breasts. FOUR. I look in the mirror and my cleavage is so compact that it looks like I have a damn ass on my chest and four butt cheeks to go right along with it!

Jay helps me to finally get my tits up and over this monstrous dress and at this point it looks like I'm wearing a cute flowery skirt with a bra. Needless to say, I can't really go out looking like this! We finally get to the point of acceptance that this dress really just is not going to fit and I'm standing there in this tight ass thing for a few minutes laughing at myself, which leads to me coughing because my allergies are acting up. 

Now, it's time to take it off. After my arms were flailing in the air for what seemed like forever, we finally got it off and I was left standing in their living room in my bra and leggings once again. Thank god. I've never wanted that more in my life. 

Moral of the story? This is why I don't try on clothes at the store. 
Second moral of the story? That was a size 12 and so is the dress I'm wearing today. Clothing ranges in fit.. even with being the same size. And also bitches, I'm not a size 12 to begin with! You'll never know if something fits if you don't try it!

Have any clothing horror stories?

ps, did you know that H&M has their online store up and running now? AND THAT THEY HAVE PLUS SIZES?! WHATTTTT?!


  1. They have the most obscure way of sizing their clothes! I always have to go up 3+ sizes to find something that fits me... except once I got a dress there that's a size 0 that fit me perfectly.... I normally wear 5-7. Crazy.

    1. That's crazy! You would be what is considered 'normal sized' and you still have problems getting clothes!