So, a little unrelated to my post but I found this video today. Here you go. Heartbreaking but very powerful.
Anyway, I went to dinner with a friend last night and we were chatting about sexuality and sexual labels. If you know me outside of this blog (and if you don't, why don't we get coffee?), you know that I'm a very VERY open person. I'll be the first to say that my sexuality is weird, and I talk about it openly if it's brought up. Well, I guess that's why I'm posting this today.
After about a half of a day of self-reflection, I'm even more confused. I've considered myself sexually open in the past. I've been in that awkward "we're just talking" stage of a relationship with a transguy, I've been attracted to men, I've been attracted to women, I'm attracted to.. whatever! But, am I? There's more.
When I think about it in terms of straight (haha) up sex.. it gets more confusing. If I have a line of people in front of me and I can choose any of them to have sex with.. I would choose a woman. But I don't know if I consider myself as a lesbian. I don't know why I don't consider myself a lesbian.. because I truly don't think I could have sex with a man. That's not me being bisexual or just open to sexuality, is it? That makes me a lesbian. Plain and simple, clean cut. Bam. But what if I end up finding a man and I end up with him? I don't want to feel like I've lived a lie or that I've 'betrayed my race', ya know? It's confusing, isn't it?
The thing is, I AM attracted to men. I'm attracted to their muscles and I mean, I can be attracted to them.. so I don't get it. And I'm not afraid of labels, so why is this so difficult for me? Even then there's more to it. I'm attracted to feminine people.. but I also think masculine people are super hot. And androgynous identities are the bomb. What is going on?!
Am I a lesbian?