So, a little unrelated to my post but I found this video today. Here you go. Heartbreaking but very powerful.
Anyway, I went to dinner with a friend last night and we were chatting about sexuality and sexual labels. If you know me outside of this blog (and if you don't, why don't we get coffee?), you know that I'm a very VERY open person. I'll be the first to say that my sexuality is weird, and I talk about it openly if it's brought up. Well, I guess that's why I'm posting this today.
After about a half of a day of self-reflection, I'm even more confused. I've considered myself sexually open in the past. I've been in that awkward "we're just talking" stage of a relationship with a transguy, I've been attracted to men, I've been attracted to women, I'm attracted to.. whatever! But, am I? There's more.
When I think about it in terms of straight (haha) up sex.. it gets more confusing. If I have a line of people in front of me and I can choose any of them to have sex with.. I would choose a woman. But I don't know if I consider myself as a lesbian. I don't know why I don't consider myself a lesbian.. because I truly don't think I could have sex with a man. That's not me being bisexual or just open to sexuality, is it? That makes me a lesbian. Plain and simple, clean cut. Bam. But what if I end up finding a man and I end up with him? I don't want to feel like I've lived a lie or that I've 'betrayed my race', ya know? It's confusing, isn't it?
The thing is, I AM attracted to men. I'm attracted to their muscles and I mean, I can be attracted to them.. so I don't get it. And I'm not afraid of labels, so why is this so difficult for me? Even then there's more to it. I'm attracted to feminine people.. but I also think masculine people are super hot. And androgynous identities are the bomb. What is going on?!
Am I a lesbian?
xoxo
CORTNIE
Is the label important to you? If it is, then yes, you're a lesbian. If it isn't, then you gotta ask whether *any* label is important. Cuz really, "pansexual with lesbian preference" or "4-5 on the Kinsey scale" or nonheterosexual or... anything! would suffice. You could still call yourself a lesbian if you wanted to, and be totally honest with yourself.
ReplyDeleteThe labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. YOU get to define yourself and your sexuality, and you get to decide, "Hey wait, I don't align with this meme, so I'm going to choose something else."
And obviously, you know all of this, and you're only posting about it because it's something you've been thinking about, so who am I, right? Just wanna double-check that you're not bound by the words.
>(and if you don't, why don't we get coffee?)
I'd be all for it!
I would love coffee with you, Sir Noah, and perhaps your lady friend as well?!
DeleteAnd the whole label crap is annoying to me, too. I feel so prescriptive when I'm trying to figure out a label, but it sometimes, well usually, feels like our culture begs us to label ourselves, dontcha think?
I think "queer" is encompassing what you're dealing with, but I do not want to push any labels on you! I think you can be a lesbian and still physically/emotionall/romantically attracted to men. I think you can even be sometimes sexually attracted to men and be a lesbian. I even think you can have sex with men (for recreational or business purposes) and still be a lesbian <-- which is what I consider myself to be. (But I call myself queer because it's easier to say) But I struggle with the same thing and if you come to any sort of conclusion, I'd be interested in hearing it if you're comfortable.
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing is the whenever I identify as queer and I'm NOT in the presence of fabulous people like us, people get confused. They go on to ask me what it means and I attempt to explain and people just don't get it. I have to admit that penises gross me the fuck out, but I still think guys can be sexy and I don't want to rule out that thought, you know? It's an interesting concept! I'm down to talk about this whenever you'd like, my dear! Like I said, I'm as open as a library book!
DeleteI totally understand what you're talking about! I feel like a lesbian 90% of the time... who happened to fall in love with and marry a man. Sexuality is so strange.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it, though!? I'm intrigued. My mom thinks I should be a sexologist! haha
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