Dear Body

Dear Body,

I have a lot that I need to tell you and I don't know how much of it I'll remember.. but I'm definitely going to try.  Thank you, first of all, for being my body. Thank you for helping me walk around and sit and do stuff, for holding in my organs and everything, ya know.. that's pretty nice of you. Thank you for being so flexible, too! A lot of people don't think you can be so stretchy because you're so plump, but that's not true! You know, you used to be a cheerleader! I'm sure you didn't forget those long practices, did you? You used to do toe-touches and herkies and stuff, look at you!

You pushed yourself through a vagina and you lived through crawling and learning to walk. We lived through appendicitis at the age of 4, after the doctors just could NOT figure out what was wrong with us and assumed that it wasn't anything with our appendix because we were so young. But we pulled through.  You've helped me live through many deaths in my family; you helped me to get out of bed when our brain was just saying no, we're too depressed. Sometimes, though, Body, you make me sweat too much. That's mainly Brain's fault, and I'll have a talk with her sometime in the future, but when we get anxious could ya just turn off the sweat glands? That's embarrassing! Anyway, you help me do things that are usually simple like move my feet when I wear boots that hurt them and scrape the back of our heels (sorry about that) and you always help me find that perfect flamingo like sleepy position that is oh-so-comfortable. You help me get to classes that are all of the way across campus and even though I complain about it, I'm glad you help me get that refreshing walk into our day. That's more than I can say for myself, most of the time.


Look at us in these pictures! We were having fun, weren't we?

Seriously though, Body, what the hell is up with people? Why do people look at us weird? Why do fashion stylist experts assume that they know what fits right or looks the best on us when they don't even look a thing like us? Why do stores that make super cute clothes forget about us? We look pretty bad ass in a pencil skirt, and you know that the Torrid or the Lane Bryant ones fit us weird because our body isn't like other big bodies because well.. most bodies aren't like other bodies, duh. Why do some doctors look at me weird or squint their eyes when they have to touch us? Why do they assume we eat bad things and sit around all day just because we're bigger than the normal bodies our media shows us?

Why do people assume we're on a diet when I order us a nice big salad at a restaurant? Why do the servers give me the stink eye when they hand me our salad--assuming I'm regretting not ordering that big juicy steak or assuming that I'm feeling shameful for being fat and even eating anything at all? I know I'm guilty of feeling bad when our tummy grumbles sometimes, but I realize -- it's grumbling for a reason! We both know a real tummy grumble when we feel one, right? I'm sorry for listening to our society and feeling sad when you're hungry. I'll try my best to never ever do that to us again.

I'm sorry that some mornings I wake up and feel completely confident in us and then some mornings I wake up and completely despise us. I'm working on that. I'm trying to buy clothes that make us feel good! I'm working on continuing to go against the mold and not wear a bunch of stupid layers just because we're fat. UNLESS it makes us look good, of course. Then I'll layer. And Body, I don't care if people say that we shouldn't be wearing leggings because FUCK THEM. We look good in them and they're comfortable and help us move around easier.

Body, we're cute. We're intelligent. We're beautiful. I love you and I hope you love me, too. I'm working on smoking less and feeding you better things and generally just being healthier for us. Not to conform to certain beauty standards that our media shoves down our throats, but to just feel healthier and more alive.

I love you, Body.


xoxo
CORTNIE